Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?

By admin · Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Sharing housework is essential and no marriage can survive without it. Even if the woman is homemaker by “profession”, she will still need some help on occasion. We all need someone to fill in when we’re not feeling well or have a family emergency.

That being said, shared housework is, as we say in mathematics, necessary but not sufficient. Doing the dishes is nice, but it won’t make up for the intangible necessities like communication and emotional support. As I tried to explain to my husband, sharing housework makes you a good roommate. It doesn’t make you a good spouse. Like earning money, doing housework is simply a necessary part of maintaining the household. But clean laundry, gleaming countertops, and a big bank account don’t add up to a loving relationship. No matter how much money you make and no matter how many pairs of socks you wash, you will still have an unhappy partner if you fail to be supportive in the little ways that matter most.

If you yell at your spouse for feeling anxious and depressed over a job situation, the dishwasher won’t get the stain of humiliation off of her heart. If you fail to humor a small, silly request that would make your spouse happy and not would not hurt you, then it will take more than a mop to absorb the disappointment that flows like water from a clogged toilet. Show contempt for your spouse’s heartfelt efforts and you might as well put down the vacuum. It will never suck dirt from the floor as well as you suck your spouse’s self esteem.

As I frequently mention, we don’t live in the best of all possible worlds, or even the second best. In fact, the best of all possible worlds is far from here, on the “right” side of the cosmic tracks in the “nice” part of the universe. We’re sitting in a ramshackle reality smack in the middle of a metaphysical ghetto. People from the best of all possible worlds wouldn’t even let their daughters date boys from here.

Because we live in an imperfect world, I suppose an equitable distribution of chores and earnings is the most one can expect in a marriage, and I can tolerate that. The question is, do you want your marriage to be successful, or merely tolerable?

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