Healing from toxic relationships
Toxic relationships often seem like a date with Satan. It’s as if some supernatural being is reading your thoughts, feelings, urgings, and beliefs and mocking them mercilessly. While it is easy to believe the person with whom you are in a toxic relationship is willfully and deliberately provoking your horrified response; it is, ultimately, hard to say for sure. It might be, more simply and less blamefully, caused by vastly different perceptions of reality, and the inability of either party to effect any reconciliation between the two views.
In the realm of metaphysical studies, one finds the notion that reality exists in many different potentialities and it is our act of locking in on one in particular that creates “reality.” If this is so, it may well explain why vastly different selections of reality between two (or more) people who must regularly interact might feel like hell on earth. It would also explain the supernatural feel that toxic relationships can have, because it goes to the root of our existence and co-existence.
It seems that well-intended people suffer toxic relationships the most. The hypothesis above might also explain this. If what is maligned in a toxic relationship is something truly beyond our will to manage or change, then applying effort to the problem is the truest cause of the suffering that results. It may be that people who desire connection are most likely to suffer. Does that mean that we should all become cold fish so as not to suffer? That is for the individual to decide; however, it might explain why some people chose this route.
None of this philosophizing on the subject is intended to minimize the truth of the suffering involved in toxic relationships. Intellectual ideas or knowledge can be helpful, but do not create an impermeable buffer against emotional pain. There will be an ongoing need to experience the emotions, apply the intellect, have an emotionally intelligent response, and so on. This cannot be escaped, no matter how ardently one may wish for peaceful and easy relations with others. To date, mankind is not made for that reality. Perhaps, if and when we experience the spiritual revolution some say is coming, we will be, but not yet.
The best thing to do upon finding yourself in a toxic relationship is to consider the reality and non-reality of the situation. Consider how that person might see things in a way that is vastly different from your point of view. Consider why that might be and consider the ways in which that person may be right and you might be resisting their truth for reasons that should be adjusted in light of their co-existence with you, or, how you might change their mind, if that seems appropriate. Also, think of ways in which to communicate and encourage a like examination of your point of view in the other, if you can. Otherwise, run like hell, if you are lucky and you can get away, because it’s not likely to get better without a supernatural sort of effort, if that sort of effort is even possible to undertake.
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